little things.

I've been really really happy these days. I feel so loved... so special. I could really feel that the distance between us have been pulled closer. I'm falling in... like love for him. I know he may have not liked me yet or may not even like me a single moment but I am really trying to get his heart...

I hope one day I do get to his heart... :)

:)

A special day for a special someone is coming. Scrambling and racking my brains real hard, trying to do something really special for him. But I guess nothing good is gonna come out of it, probably dropping the idea though :* Anyway, I was really worried about him yesterday but I'm glad that he is finally fine ;) Woke up a few times in the middle of the night just making sure that he was alright. Thank Lord for blessing such a kind and caring soul with good health and speedy recovery :) Hoping that I would get to meet him on Thursday night so that I could spend the time with him inadvance as he won't be free on the actual day itself... Or... at least I was hoping that he would want to spend it with me which I think might... not come TRUE at all. He might want to spend it with someone else way much more important than me though :'( La sigh. I do pray that you would approach me though, just goes to show m yimportance to you. But it just all boils up to high hopes that I'm holding too high that I can't see or reach. Till then, I shall rest this tired soul of mine with a good rest on the bed with my phone and Ernie.

Bonne nuit x.

sweet.

Thanks for today, it was great (: Barely less than an hour, I would officially declare it as the best time of my day today. You just made me feel so secure and protected ;) Thank you & misses.

Goodbye x.

...

Am I sad or what? Seeing him with the girl last night... wasn't a really good feeling. For once, I felt like I was the third party. Maybe I am. But.. based on what he told me last night, I doubt my judging ability once again. So.. am I supposed to get you before the others do? I really want to keep you by my side but.. at the same time, I don't want to deprive you of your freedom with your friends. I want you to be happy when you're with me. Don't want you to find me clingy or... whatever you know? Because this is the way I like you. I know you need your freedom. I hope that you won't find me too passive that one day you decide to just give up on me.
I WON'T CHANGE THIS MINDSET.

loved.

We are back to NORMAL (: IT'S A HAPPY GIRL LIFE AGAIN AND I'M GONNA CHERISH IT. Actually, I cherish every moment of it (: Till then, let me immerse in this world full of fantasy.

mixed feelings.

Yesterday...perhaps was my moodiest day I ever had. And.. guess what? That moodiest day I had came from him. Say that I'm paranoid or what, but I was struggling with myself the whole day yesterday, thinking if we would ever distant apart. He is a popular guy after all, and I'm a no one. Girls flutter around him, so I can't do anything except to stand from afar and look. I wouldn't want to limit him from interacting with the others after all, he needs his own space. Probably didn't whatsapp him for the whole of yesterday, I felt so empty suddenly. Hoping that we wouldn't revert back to strangers, but just hoping for the other one to whatsapp first.

I MISS YOU ):

Yes, I really do. But I ain't gonna whatsapp you today because I want to spend my time with my parents well today :) or unless... you decide to whatsapp me today on your own accord... I think I'm gonna be the happiest girl cause it shows that you thought of me in your mind. But on the other hand, he might be busy with his latest production so I wouldn't expect that to happen anyway. Just hope that his production would go well so that he is happy and so do I (: I hope to see him tomorrow...and spend time with him... but if the others are there.. the plan is gonna be a total fall through once again... ):
I hope that some part of you is true to me, because each time I see that girl waiting or eating with you... I get sensitive. But I will trust that part of you when you said you liked me better (:

I'M CHOOSING TO TRUST YOU FOR I'M TRUE TO YOU.

Dear granny, I hope you're doing well up there in heaven as well, looking and taking care of our family, blessing us with good health and peace among the family. I hope that you will bless me as well, that I can be closer with him... and that he would want to develop with me as well.
Thanks granny, am loving and missing you as always. xoxo

Goodbye x.

blinded.

Love blinds people. 

I agree. I have been far too blind I guess. I don't used to hang out late, but now I do, because of him. I am... really in love with him I guess. I worry that sometimes he is just toying with me. But at times, I get too blinded that I would just pretend nothing happened. 

I want to be self-less. I just want him to be happy as he do stuffs that he like, text/whatsapp his friends or even a girl that he likes. So long as he is happy, I will be. I don't need to be possessive because I like/ love him. This is not the way to LOVE. I will take it on with a brave and strong heart, that if he really likes another girl, I will be here to applaud for him. As much as a girl would hope the one she loves would love her back, I wouldn't harbor any hope of him liking me back. 

7 years... sounds scary to the others, to him but not to me. Who says age gap is an obstacle? I wouldn't mind acting more matured and you acting more kiddy just so that we could meet halfway through the 7 years gap.

hurt...maybe.

I'm trying to be fine. Yes I am fine. To be honest, I cried a couple of moments ago. WHY?

Imagine this:
The person that you have interest in/liked/loved feels that you are a flirt. Says that right in your face. Damn, how hurtful can that be right? I swear I broke down in tears. But... I had to force a smile in front of my mom and my sister. I lost my appetite... even when eating my favorite ice cream used to be such a joy. I really hope that when he said he trusted me, it was for real. Not just trying to make me happy, but really for real. Come on, when I really admit that I like someone, I really do. I can meet you at night, even in the wee hours just for you. Why can't you just be convinced? Even when it comes to you saying that, you think it won't work out for the both of us. I can't decide when I'm born, neither can I decide whether to like you or not.

I think I'm a fool. At such a point of time, I chose to look on the positive side that, "Is he being jealous? Does he really feel for me that way?" Which I would be such a dumb ass and persuade myself to believe it that way. YES I'M DUMB, STUPID AND A FOOL TO STAND THERE AND LET HIS FRIENDS HIT ON ME RIGHT. I SHOULD JUST STAND AT THE ENTRANCE OF THE PARK. NOW, HOW AM I GONNA WORK NEXT SATURDAY SINCE I'M WORKING FOR HAP.

I really hope, and pray that he would trust me. Because his trust means everything to me.

goodbye x.

:(

I feel so... worried. I hope that everything goes well and that everything would be fine. Things are getting better, hope it just doesn't get screwed up... you're my everything.

goodnight x.

happiness.

I've been really happy these days all thanks to... HIM (: Yes, thanks for brightening up my day each day whenever I talk to you. Thank you for telling me your misses for me that makes me feel so cherished and assured. For you, I'm going to be a cat. And, thanks for being my bear. Hehe (:

Hope to see him real soon, cause... I missed you too.

Goodnight xoxo.

My true feelings.

There is this guy who is a dancer. He never fails to make me smile to myself each time I look at my phone. He will always be the one by my side, every single time when I'm alone or when I need someone to talk to. "You're so sweet," is what he claimed about me every time. Do you know, you're the real sweet guy that have always been there for me? Each time he sees me, he would definitely offer me a hug. How sweet can he be.

And out of those guys that I ever had interest in, he is the one who makes me feel this:
-I don't mind what's our age gap.
-I don't mind how many girls like you, because I know I'm gonna be one of them.
-You can ignore my feelings, because I know I'm gonna continue liking you.
-I can do anything, just to make you happy (:
-I'm always gonna be there for you.
-I will keep my feelings to myself cause... I don't want to scare you away from me. I want to keep you close to me.

Thanks for being such an important part of my life. Yes, my LIFE. This might sound exaggerating, but this is the first time one guy meant so much to me... Day & night, my mind could be filled with him. My heart is just never there, unless I'm with my best friends. Whenever he is sick or injured, I could feel a searing pain through me, as if the pain was inflicted upon me.

Why are you being such a huge part of me? Tell me why. But I would really want to thank you, for making me so happy all this while. You... are indeed my sunshine ☀.